Proverbs & Speech

We are talking this week about speech in Proverbs. This topic reminded me of a story I once heard that has had a huge impact on controlling my own speech.

There once was this married couple. The husband was a very smart man. He had lots of degrees and liked to read. He often had great conversations with his wife about politics and current affairs and other deep matters. His wife respected him and she knew he was very brilliant.

The two of them were often invited to parties where the men would sit on one side debating all the current issues going on in the news. But the husband never said anything. He just sat and listened, never adding in his own opinion. And after every party the wife was infuriated. “Why don’t you correct them?” she’d say. “Why don’t you tell them what you think?” He would just shrug his shoulders.

Then one night they were invited to another party. The topic of conversation drifted to a subject that the husband was an expert on. But once again, he just sat and listened. Even when the men had incorrect information, the husband never corrected them. On the way home the wife was madder than she’d ever been. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you share with them all about what you know on that subject?” He looked at her and simply replied…”I already know what I know, I wanted to know what they know.”

When I was younger I really struggled with giving my opinion when it hadn’t been asked for. I thought I had something really important to say. And I wanted people to value my opinion. What I didn’t realize was that I would never be asked my opinion because of how opinionated I was. But over the years this story kept coming back to my mind. I got to watch people I respect holding their tongues and I respected them for that. Then, about 8 years ago or so, a young lady came to work where I worked. She was just like I had been all those years before. Very opinionated. Very brilliant in her own mind and thought everyone should know it. It drove everyone crazy, but I felt foolish. Had I come off like that? I was able to give her more grace than other people gave her, because I realized I had been the same way.

Proverbs talks about the wisdom of holding your tongue…there are many verses but here are two.

“He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is counted prudent.” (17:27, 28)

“He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.” (18:13)

 I guess some things we have to learn the hard way. J